Sub Personalities – The Cost – Your Happiness
Happiness and Success are determined by the Sub Personality at the forefront of your psyche.
In the same way a CD plays the tracks embedded on it, you and I operate according to the patterns or behaviours we have built up over a long period of time. These tendencies and behaviours are what we call Sub Personalities because there are many of them and they arise within us to accommodate the circumstances. Hence, “Circumstances don’t make the man, they reveal the man.”
Examples of Sub Personalities include the Pleaser, Inner Critic and the Rule Maker. Each ‘Self’ as it is also called, has its own ideas, feelings and needs. Yet here I’m not referring to what has been known as Multiple Personalities – that’s another subject. Sub Personalities can be witnessed in (opposite) pairs and they include the Analyst vs Feeling self; Pusher vs Chilled out; Extrovert vs Introvert; Procrastinator vs Proactive; Fear vs Love; Impersonal vs Personal; Organised vs Spontaneous; Controlling vs Free Flow; Anger vs Loving Kindness; Power Self vs Vulnerable Self; Critic vs Acceptance, and Doubt vs Confidence etc. etc.
It can be considered we come into life with a Psychic Fingerprint – which is also picked up in the newborn child by its Mother. Of course there is contention as to what we come into life already loaded with and what we take on from our environmental conditioning. In the context of Sub Personalities we come into this world vulnerable and sensitive and we need protection from harm. As psychological protection we begin to adapt to our environment very early in life. A part (or Self) of the very young child develops quickly when the child recognises that she is happier when her Mother is happy and pleased with the child.
Because the young child seeks the Love of the Mother this is often where the Pleasing Sub Personality is born. The child does what it needs to do in order to get the love of its Mother. Generally speaking, the Pleaser emerges to meet the circumstances at hand, to get any payoffs that may be available. This behaviour can also become reinforced throughout life.
The problem arises when the child buries her own feelings of pain in order to get the love of her parents. If the child is afraid and rejects her own fear, she is identifying with the Pleaser. If this continues throughout life, the adult becomes overly identified with the Sub Personality of Pleaser, which we would then call the Primary Self.
The Primary Self refers to holding on way too tight to any Sub Personality, such as the Pusher which will be at the expense of its opposite part, in this case the Chilled Out Self. This opposite self is called the Disowned Self. The basis of this work I do is to help you to release any unwanted behaviour and to engage the desired behaviour. The net result is More Choice in life, Connection with Yourself and Satisfaction. Positive results follow.
Please see if you relate to any of the examples of Sub Personalities in paragraph two, above.
Next month we will look at Primary and Disowned Selves. See what they are costing you!
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Ciao for now
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